I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
