that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize