She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
