6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
