my soul wont recognize me after tonight
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
