you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize