Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
