Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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