areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
