I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
