She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
