it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
