They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize