Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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