My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
