so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
