whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
