Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
