Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
