Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
