She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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