The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I had to cum in my sink.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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