Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
