My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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