Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
