My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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