Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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