Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
