So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
