drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
