in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
