So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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