Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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