wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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