No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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