My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
