David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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