I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
