I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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