I bet he comes in French.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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