just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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