Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
