my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
