if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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