Swine flu. Run for my life!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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