This is not my ceiling
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
