I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
