He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize