mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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