You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize