all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
