You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
