was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
