**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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