I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
