We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
