Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
