Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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