Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
