then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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