ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
