dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
