i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
