Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
