took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sorry my hands just texted you
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
