Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
