alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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