I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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