My first STD was from a foam party
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize