Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
false alarm, still single
Randomize
