Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
