We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
