I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
