So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
