I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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