matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Is it penis luge time yet?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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