I think i peed on brittanys purse
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
