Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
